Have you ever regretted a major decision in your life? I was sitting with a friend the other night, discussing our chosen paths in life and how the decisions we made straight out of high school have thus far effected our lives. I chose to sacrifice career and college in order to start a family. He, on the other hand, sacrificed a relationship for the sake of career and "things". Both of us now are experiencing the woes of not having what we want, or the inability {so it seems} to accomplish those goals.
I would love to finish nursing school, but my current situation just isn't going to allow it for the next couple of years. It's a hard thing to do as a single mom unless I want to sacrifice some serious time with the girls, and that isn't an option in my world. My friend feels as if he isn't ever going to find the right woman with whom to have a family. Funny how life works, eh?
It's hard to admit those regrets.
Hard to admit that I sat on a bench waiting for my soon to be husband to finish using the bathroom and thought to myself that I shouldn't be marrying him because I didn't know him well enough. It's a rather embarrassing admission. Looking back, no one would have questioned whether or not I made the right decision, and I'm sure people would have been supportive. But I didn't know how to back out, seeing as we were getting married in just minutes. Not months, or weeks, or days. But minutes. It was kind of a horrifying decision, and one that I'm sure I'll regret for years. But, good things did come from that experience.
1. I learned what I want in a relationship... and what I definitely do not want. I learned that a highly driven, works all the time city slicker is not what I want. I'm a white picket fence kinda girl, not a downtown high rise woman. I need someone with similar hobbies, someone who is loving, encouraging, supportive and most importantly- loyal and faithful.
2) I discovered that I can be alone, and be happy with myself without a partner.
3) I have fantastic friends. Really, I do. The kind that mop you up off the floor, and love you even when your house is a wreck and you don't have any clean dishes.
4) Family is everything, and blood is always thicker then water.
For now, I bid you all adieu.
I admire how honest and vulnerable this post was. I know the whole situation sucked, but you have come through it beautifully. I think you have come out on the other end with some valuable and beautiful insights about yourself, and that is always a great thing.
ReplyDeleteI think this is more common than we like to think.
ReplyDeleteI remember very vividly not being able to sleep the night before we got married, knowing it was not a good choice. But I would look like a fool to back out at the last minute...so I didn't. Well, I ended up looking like a fool a lot more permanently and publicly in the end.
So many things we wish we could tell our younger, less mature selves, huh? It is what it is and thank the Lord that He is GOOD, but here is what I would tell my 18 year old self:
1. Don't settle. There are other fish in the sea.
2. You are worth loving. Just as you are.
3. There are worse things than admitting you were wrong.
4. It's must easier to wait and not seal the deal than it is to deal with a bad deal afterward.
5. Read the tiny print. And the between the line print. And the invisible ink. Love is blind, but don't be stupid.
good post....I'll try to add a more profound p.s. a bit later.. :)
ReplyDeleteWe never REALLY know if a decision was good or bad until we stand before God. I deeply regret the pain and hardship you have suffered and would do anything I could to make up for it even if it were not my choices at issue. I do know, however, that my life is the far richer for having you in it and for your marvelous children. I will love you and stand by you as long as I have breath.
ReplyDeleteI get it. Totally get it.
ReplyDeleteI never questioned whether or not I should've married Eric. We date for 7 years. It was supposed to happen. But all the warning signs were there when we were dating. I don't know if I was afraid of being alone or what, but i just couldn't bring myself to break up with him permanently.
After we divorced, I heard all sorts of comments about how mean he was to me. I didn't see it when we were together. I wish someone would've told me.
However, what I do regret, was that I didn't go to my first choice school, away from him. My own school of my own choosing. How would life have been different if I didn't blindly follow my boyfriend to college? That's my big regret.
But I really try not to allow myself to regret. cause I never would've moved to California and met Josh. I wouldn't have my gorgeous girls.
Who knows where a different path would've led me.
You make the best decisions you can at the time with teh information you have. And roll with the punches.
I admire and respect you Ryanne. And totally think you are awesome. I can't fathom your single mom-ness that you have and are going through right now. But if anyone can make it work, I know you can.
You are one of the most courageous and strong women I know. You are amazing, and I love you, girl. Hang in there, God has GREAT things for your life and what a blessing your girls are.
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